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Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Ex-Alcaldesa of Orihuela to start new profession as a ´Lifestyle Guru`

Following her recent failure in her attempt to continue as the, Partido Popular, Alcaldesa (Mayoress) of Orihuela, for the next four years, it has been suggested to me by a source of some provenance, although personally unsubstantiated at this time, that Monica Lorente is to open a new consultancy business in Orihuela Costa.

If what I understand is correct then she intends to offer her services as a 'Lifestyle Guru`, to all the residents of Orihuela Costa. Initially her main potential market will be those United Kingdom Expat residents who supported CLARO in the recent local election and who feel that their lives need a change of direction and ambition.

Monica's reasoning behind her decision, is thought to be that, she believes that with her exceptional qualities of compassion for other people, her honesty in all matters, and her ability to listen to the residents, as they tell her about their fears and worries about the quality of their lives, the residents will need and benefit tremendously from her ideas on achieving the highest possible level of quality Lifestyle. Even though the public services and facilities in Orihuela Costa are sub-standard, as a result of her previous government colleagues excellent work, it is thought she believes, with her expertise, that these minor irritations can be overcome by following her philosophy on life. During their consultations her clients will be expected to recite her mantra, as were her PP government colleagues each time they met her; “a little bit of Monica in my life” .

Whilst considering several possible names for her new venture the local bookies are offering short odds on her final choice being ´Perfect People`. It is felt that this will be chosen as a comfort element for her as she could continue to be associated with a ´PP` logo, but also that the residents of Orihuela Costa would get withdrawal symptoms if they didn't regularly see, and hear about, the PP initials they have loved and trusted over the last 25 years.

I'm also informed, by reliable sources within the Orihuela Town Hall this time, that two of Ms. Lorente's personally appointed employees, namely her press officer, LouiseClarke, and Liaison Officer to the Expats, Stefan Pokroppa, in the Orihuela Costa town hall annex, have as a result of Monica's failure to keep her job as Mayor, lost their positions as well. Now putting 2 plus 2 together and making 10, similar to the accounting system used by the Ex-Alcaldesa and her government with the council's finances, it would seem probable that they will be employed by Monica in 'Perfect People', in marketing and customer liaison. Even though they did not seem to get it quite right in their past positions, as a sign of her benevolence, Monica will be offering them  another chance. Not only will they be employees but also amongst the first of Ms. Lorente's guinea pig clients, for a large fee deducted from their wages of course, as they need a new, and unexpected, lifestyle.

The Orihuela Costa residents I'm sure will wish Monica Lorente all that she deserves in her titanic voyage into the icy seas of reality aboard her new vessel 'Perfect People'.

1 comment:

  1. Dave LawrieJune 14, 2011

    Nice one Elliot! This "lady" will not retire gracefully. Maybe her and her cronies can open a "Politician's Palate" (PP) restaurante where they can serve up yet more unpalatable rubbish! One thing is for certain; if they do, the British Press will still remark on how good everything was!!


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