Muslims must reject jihad - Pat Condell

Hop-along-there.

It made me jump, my heart skip a beat, when I spotted this on the plant when I was pruning it. Having been disturbed it left our garden in leaps and bounds, vaulting over the wall.

The waste pipe system fights back!

It looks deceptively harmless.

A few days ago the time had come when I had to replace the leaking waste pipes, and the worn out mixer tap of the kitchen sink. I couldn't think of any more reasons to delay the inevitable replacement of the parts; the time had come to do battle and like King Canute try to stop the flow of unwanted water.

After several hours of talking to, questioning and answering myself - to explain and clarify that I knew what tactics and actions were needed – catching my knuckles with slipping adjustable spanners, stabbing my hand with a wayward screwdriver and twice getting stuck in the under-sink cupboard my tasks were completed. I had removed the stainless-steel sink, fitted the new tap, fitted the new waste system, replaced the sink, made the correct connections to the hot and cold water supply for the mixer tap, connected the soiled water pipes and tested for leaks. There did not appear to be any.

I sat on the kitchen floor looking into the under-sink cupboard admiring my completed work. I raised and lowered my clenched fist several times in a victory gesture exclaiming: “Well done my son: I knew you could do it if you tried.”

The next day my wife Natalie said to me: “There seems to be a leak under the sink again.”

Little did I suspect that a simple combination of plastic pipes and rubber seals would fight back!

During the last couple of days there have been several small dawn and dusk skirmishes between protagonists with adjustments of alignment of pipes, tightening and re-tightening of rubber seal couplings being made. Each episode being followed after a short while with a repeat of Natalie's words: “There still seems to be a leak under the sink again.”

In my defence, I point out each time that when the builders put in the main soiled waste water outlet pipe, and the plumbers positioned the sink with its waste, the two parts of the system were out of alignment by approximately 3 to 4 millimetres. This means there is built in tension between them when they're together.

There will be between Natalie and I if I don't sort the leak out.

Today I upped the ante. I revised the battle strategy. I dismembered the system, separating the white plastic pipes, rubber seals and couplings from each other for a short while and then reunited them under my terms and conditions. I had to put them in their place and show that I'm better than King Canute.

If the waste pipes fight back again I will have to bring in my ultimate, unstoppable weapon and ally – white silicone sealant.


© Elliot Sampford 2013

Jack Sparrow's Courtship

Jack (The Lad) Sparrow had been trying to impress some of the young ladies in his local area as he felt the time was right to find his own princess, and wife.

As the sun rose in the sky that morning he decided it was time to get himself spruced up as it was the day to perform his perfected chat-up song and dance routine.

Kate sat for a short while watching Jack getting ready for the day, before flying away as the need for breakfast was more important. Once Jack was satisfied his appearance would be irresistible he chose the best position to be poseur.

Kate returned later, her hunger vanquished, to let Jack try and impress her with his showman's act. He didn't appear to be getting on to well as she showed the first signs of her dis-satisfaction when she grabbed hold of his tail feathers and tugged them, making Jack fall off stage right. He quickly recomposed himself on stage left and continued with his routine. Kate was still not impressed. She flew away leaving Jack alone and perplexed by his failure to pull the bird that day.

Expats head home from Spain as they are forced to declare overseas assets.

Having read the article "Expats head home from Spain as they are forced to declare overseas assets.", on the 'This is Money.co.uk website, I posted a comment to it. I never imagined that my little contribution would become the 'best rated' (as at the time of writing) observation on this article.

Mrs Prendacast's handbag

Image courtesy of  John Kasawa / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Three weeks prior to the eventful, possibly life-changing day, Jack returned to his family village having completed two years of his latest prison sentence. During the last twenty years of his life fifteen of them have been spent incarcerated at 'Her Majesty's' pleasure: punishment for his regular straying from the 'strait and narrow'.

His parents, Ted and Mary, still live in the ancestral two bedroom terraced cottage. At forty- two years old he has no option but to live at home. As a result of his extensive criminal record, full-time employment is not an option available to him so he doesn't have a regular wage income, just minimal social benefits. He needs to accept their offer of free accommodation.

Apart from when he has to leave the village for the pointless visit to the job centre; he spends the majority of his days sitting on one of the benches on the village green breathing the free, fresh country air. The claustrophobia he's developed in prison means he needs to be outside rather than spending his time sitting indoors in the small cottage. He has spent too much 'time' in small rooms.

He knows the majority of the villagers consider him bone-idle and not to be trusted. There are some who use him occasionally as a cheap, cash-in-hand, dogsbody for the unpleasant jobs they consider below their status. Mrs Prendacast and the members of her social circle are vociferous in their public condemnation of Jack's life style: his sponging off his parents and society.

During his most recent prison term Jack decided he needs to change before the cell walls crush him for ever. The physical fitness routine and the education programme he undertook had the goal of producing a new Jack. But could he change? Was he fooling himself?

Last Monday morning started the same as the previous three since his release. Jack was sitting at his usual place watching the villagers going about their normal routines. He noted the older folks going into the combination village shop and post office. He assumed they were cashing some of their pension to buy a few bits and bobs. He saw Mrs Prendacast go in. He doubted if she really needed the money given the large house she lives in and the expensive car her husband drives.

When she came out, he saw her checking her money again in her purse to make sure it was safely tucked away. She then put the purse in her handbag which in turn she hung on her left shoulder. The shoulder nearest to the road as she walked away from the shop.

Jack noticed a cyclist, who he recognised from his prison days, travelling down the road behind, and going in the same direction as the walking Mrs Prendacast. She did not seem aware of the fast moving cyclist, that she was his target, and that the gap between them was rapidly reducing.

Jack knew what he had to do.

He leapt to his feet and started his dash towards Mrs Prendacast. He knew his new level of physical fitness would get him to the right position and at the right time for his plan to be successful.

As Jack's feet left the soft, slippery grass of the village green; still on the opposite side of the road to them; the cyclist drew level with Mrs Prendacast. Jack knew what was going to happen next. As his feet came in contact with the firm, abrasive tarmac he accelerated his sprinting speed to ensure he reached the far side of the road in time. He had to successfully complete his part in the action.

Jack heard Mrs Prendacast scream out: 'Help! Help me someone! He's stolen my bag! Thief! Stop that thief!'

The cyclist had violently grabbed the handbag from Mrs Prendacast's shoulder as he passed her. He pushed hard on the pedals of the bike to get away as fast as he could.

He'd been concentrating on his prey and obviously hadn't noticed Jack coming at speed from his left. He clearly didn't see the flying tackle coming. He would suddenly have felt the full strength and weight of Jack as the body-check crashed into his upper torso. A pair of arms wrapped around his chest as he was forcibly grabbed from his bike and dumped on the pavement.

The crash onto the paving slabs appeared to knock all the air from his lungs, and the weight of Jack's body bearing down on him, meant there was no struggle to escape or movement of any kind by the cyclist. Two workmen who had seen and heard the mêlée of the attempted mugging ran to help Jack restrain the failed robber.

Once they had control of the mugger Jack removed Mrs Prendacast's handbag from his grasp and handed it back to her, with the sarcastic comment: 'Best to keep a firmer hold of it in future. You never know if there are thieves and spongers about!'

'Thank you. . . Thank you . . . for your help,' she stammered, 'I never expected that of you!'

Mrs Prendacast, the members of her social circle, and other villagers are no doubt now wondering; has Jack changed from poacher to gamekeeper? Or is it part of another of his con tricks?

But they'll have to wait and see – won't they?

© Elliot Sampford 2013

Edited: 12.07.13
I am pleased to say that this story has also been published on the CafeLit website and weblog:
 http://cafelit.co.uk/MrsPrendacastsHandbag.html 
http://cafelitcreativecafe.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/mrs-prendacasts-handbag.html 

Unsatisfactory Weblog content

My apologies to those who regularly visit my weblog for the reduced quality and quantity of my articles and short stories of late.

My writing has fallen by the wayside recently as a result of a combination of several factors. Personal life changes in the last couple of months have taken up quite a substantial percentage of my time, physical and thinking. A tumble in my level of confidence in my writing ability has kept the pen from my hand and my fingers from the keyboard.

The life changes, so far, have been made successfully and bode well for the future. A recent complimentary comment - “Enjoyed reading this, now I'm off to read more of your work” - made on one of my short stories, I believe may be a catalyst in the start to the rebuilding of confidence. A revision of the 'How to' books on writing is called for.

I hope you will see and read an improved content over the next few weeks and ongoing.

"I'm offended by Islam" says Pat Condell

I have just watched the new video by Pat Condell. As usual he gets straight to the point. His message and opinion never fails to make one think.






Link to YouTube for video mentioned in Oldrich's comment in case the link in my reply to him doesn't work:http://youtu.be/GCXHPKhRCVg

Nationwide Building Society insults my Wife

Natalie and I have banked with the Nationwide Building Society for many years. All our accounts with them are in joint names. Now they want Natalie to prove her identity before allowing her to open an ISA: they didn't ask me to prove my identity before opening my ISA. How insulting is that to Natalie?

On the 18^th March 2013 we applied to open a Web ISA in each of our individual names; as an ISA can only be in one person's name; via our on-line banking facility. The Nationwide current account details given in both of our on-line Web ISA applications related to our joint account. The same day we received two emails confirming receipt of our applications. Each application was allocated a separate reference number but no indication as to whose application it was.

On the 20 March we received an email stating “Thank you for applying for a Nationwide Web ISA. I am pleased to tell you your account is now open. A welcome letter is on its way to you confirming the account details ...Your ISA xxxxxxx is open and should be available online in 3 days”. [No letter has been received to-date.]

On the 22 March on accessing our on-line banking facility we found that a new account under the 'Tax Free Savings' heading had appeared with the title of Web ISA Issue 2 account xxxxxxxxx. There being no indication as to whether this is mine or Natalie's I telephoned the ISA team on 0845 6028781 [given by Nationwide as the ISA telephone contact number] to clarify this matter. I quoted the reference number, stated in the email of the 20^th, to the gentleman who answered my call but understood from him that this number was of no value as he couldn't access our records by it. Using a different route he was able to confirm that the Web ISA Issue 2 account that had been opened was in my name.

I asked him to check on Natalie's application reference xxxxxxx given in the email of the 18^th March but was again told he couldn't check as the reference number was irrelevant to him. I was instructed to wait a few more days as although the applications were made together they wouldn't necessarily be actioned together - fair enough.

Now today Natalie has received a letter from Peter Heron, Customer Service Administrator, Web ISA Team 1, Savings Processing, dated 20 March 2013 quoting reference xxxxxxx stating “Thank you for your recent request to open a Nationwide Web ISA. I'm afraid we are unable to continue with your request at the moment because we haven't been able to complete our identification checks.”

What does the bank mean “we haven't been able to complete our identification checks”?

I am disgusted by the Nationwide's treatment of my wife's application and rudeness towards her by questioning her identity status.

The account details given in both of our on-line Web ISA applications relate to our joint current account. All our other Nationwide accounts are joint accounts in our names. If the ISA team had bothered to check they would have seen that they have the identification details for me and for Natalie.

So why did my application go through without any problems but Natalie's has been rejected at this time? Why has she been asked to verify her existence and address when Nationwide already have the details on their system?

If the Nationwide is not satisfied with the details they hold for Natalie; why have we both independently just received Nationwide 'Telephone Banking' security pass number notifications dated 20 March at our joint, marital, home address? This is the address that the Web ISA Team 1 want Natalie to verify she lives at before opening an ISA. But it is alright to send her a security code that gives access to our accounts to this address.

Does one hand of the Nationwide Building Society not know of, and have access to, information held in another hand?

I have lodged a complaint about this action of the 'Web ISA Team 1' with the Nationwide, via their secure on-line message service. I await with interest their reply.

How can we stlil raed words wehn teh lettres are jmbuled up?

Researchers in the UK have taken an important step towards understanding how the human brain 'decodes' letters on a page to read a word. The work, funded by the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC), will help psychologists unravel the subtle thinking mechanisms involved in reading, and could provide solutions for helping people who find it difficult to read, for example in conditions such as dyslexia.

Read more in ScienceDaily: How can we stlil raed words wehn teh lettres are jmbuled up?
>br /> Youtube link to video mentioned in comment by Oldrich: http://youtu.be/GCXHPKhRCVg